Aleeza Ben Shalom – Deepening A Long-Distance Relationship

Long-distance relationships have their ups and downs. Your heart may be happy but your day-to-day relationship can be challenging. Here are some ideas to keep stress and anxiety at bay and to help you move your relationship forward.

The delicate travel balance. How often do you pack up and how long do you stay? Of course there are many factors, like how much time you can get off from work and what kind of travel budget you have. All things being equal, it would be ideal to see each other every 3 weeks for 2-4 days at a time. With budget concerns, work schedules and intercontinental dating, every 3 weeks may not work. Try not to let more than 6 weeks go by without a meeting in person. Although video chat has advanced our dating, when you’re marriage-minded it’s vital to date someone in person, as a relationship can change drastically once you spend time together.

Managing visit expectations. My clients often tell me they feel extra pressure to make something special happen since so much time has passed since the last in-person meeting. Acknowledge your desire to make the visit meaningful, and also realize that things won’t go perfectly. All relationships have ups and downs, and although it’s no fun, it’s likely that at least one visit together will fall during one of those down moments.

The best preparation is mental preparation. Get your mind set to be present during your visit. Don’t let your past hurt or future worry be at the front of your mind. Try to enjoy just being together, whether you go out on the town or have a cozy date night just hanging out at home together.

Talk about expectations and fears. Some of us try so hard not to say what’s on our mind to avoid conflict, while some of us have a need to talk about things up front and be straightforward. Try to gauge when it’s the right time to talk about the stress of long-distance dating, as well as your expectations and your fears. Make sure you both know that expectations and fears are a normal part of all relationships – long-distance or not. Make a safe place for the other person to express what is on their mind. Provide comfort, and then go back to enjoying your relationship. Don’t dwell on your expectations or fears, as they are often related to your past or your future and are not rooted in the present moment.

How well do I know you? If you started your relationship at a distance, before thinking of getting engaged it’s a good idea for you to have time with their family and friends. People act differently when they are around others. Seeing someone in different contexts is important before taking the next step.

Calming insecurity. We all have insecurities about relationships and they often become even more pronounced with distance. For example, if you sometimes feel lonely or disconnected in a relationship, those feelings are usually much stronger and can last longer in a long-distance relationship. And that can leave you wondering if the relationship is real, or all a figment of your imagination.

These feelings are common. If you know these feelings are your own insecurity, you can try positive affirmations and reframing how you view yourself. If you’re not sure, you should discuss your feelings with your partner, and see if together you can find ways to make you feel better. Also know when it’s time to get help from a professional to guide you through the process of calming yourself.

Managing family and friends. Well-meaning family and friends often ask questions and try to guide you in your relationship, and can be even more involved when it’s long-distance. Before anyone has the opportunity to put you on the spot, think about who you want to speak to about your relationship and what you want to say. Seek advice from those you trust. For everyone else, remember that just because someone asks you a question doesn’t mean you have to answer. Long distance relationships are more fragile. Guard your relationship and give it the appropriate privacy so it can flourish.

Quelling cold feet. While the old adage is absence makes the heart grow fonder, the reality is that absence can also create distance, and distance can lead to cold feet. Dating at a distance is an investment. Both sides have to be willing to put in a big effort to build the relationship. Give yourself extra time to allow the relationship to develop, and try to use a little extra patience during conflicts.

Have fun. You may feel like your in-person time has to be serious because you have limited time to get those important conversations out of the way. Like any relationship, remember to infuse it with fun as well as some serious moments. Give funny cards, or thoughtful gifts. Keep your sense of humor when you’re miles apart and especially when you spend time together.

Managing the transition to one location. By the time you finally get the hang of dating long-distance it will be time to learn how to live and date in the same city. One of you will need to make the transition to a new and unfamiliar location. If you’re the one moving, give yourself extra time to adjust to a new city and new life. Moving is a big challenge, and even more so when in a serious relationship. If you’re the one who got to stay in your city, be extra forgiving of your partner in the first month after the move.

Long-distance relationships require some serious work and consideration. Ask yourself if you’re up for the challenge, and if you are, give it your best effort.

Originally published on Aish.com.

Aleeza Ben Shalom – Being A Dating Magnet

Many of us go searching the world for our soul mate. We search at every event, in many cities and countries and online. Perhaps we should invert the question and instead of asking, “Where is my bashert (soul mate)?” let’s ask, “How can I get my bashert to come to me?” I suggest you spend 50% of your time and effort looking for your bashert and the other 50% of the time continuing to bring out your best self in order to draw your soul mate closer to you.

How do you get a great relationship to come to you?

The short answer is: Be magnetic. Here’s the long answer.

What is a magnet and what does it have to do with dating? According to Wikipedia, “A magnet is a material or object that produces a magnetic field. This magnetic field is invisible but is responsible for the most notable property of a magnet: a force that pulls on other ferromagnetic materials, such as iron, and attracts or repels other magnets.”

If we apply this definition to dating it would read: “A relationship magnet is a person who produces a magnetic field. This magnetic field is invisible but is responsible for a force that attracts or repels other relationship-minded singles.”

There are several important points worth exploring here:

A relationship magnet is a person who produces a magnetic field. You have the ability to produce a tangible field of energy around you. You impact the world around you just by having an impact on what is within your immediate reach, namely — YOU!

Think about what is on your list of desirable traits in a mate. Chances are the list includes some of the following: warmth, kindness, consideration, thoughtfulness, a mensch, someone who acts in loving ways, is verbally articulate and lets me know how they are feeling, someone open, someone who laughs easily and often.

Now visualize the person you desire to meet. Have that picture in your mind? Imagine meeting this person. Now get curious: what kind of traits would that person be looking for in you? Do you possess those traits? Is your magnetic field projecting the right energy to attract the mate you desire? Take some time to evaluate and see if who you are is who you need to be in order to pull your mate closer.

This magnetic field is invisible but is responsible for a force that attracts or repels other relationship-minded singles. This invisible force that we create can either attract or repel others. Have you ever been on a date and not been so interested? You put something out there that signals that you are not interested, in the hope they will pick up on those signals and lose interest as well. Or how about the reverse? Ever had a great date where both of you had a strong connection? Often my clients try to explain when things just “click” but can’t exactly put their finger on what worked.

I would say it’s the field that attracts one to the other — what’s within someone as well as what’s on the outside that draws one person to another. The “click” is a magnetic moment. During that moment there is an electrical current running between two people. If one side suddenly becomes uninterested, the current breaks and the magnetism is lost. If you’ve ever felt that one moment you are connected and the next moment you don’t know what happened, what’s happening is that the other side lost interest (ie changed their magnetic field) and there is no longer a positive charge between you two.

Try to make a fair evaluation. Have you been attracting or repelling those you date? Has it been intentional or unintentional? Try to be more conscious of your magnetic field. If you like the results you are getting, i.e. attracting those you’re interested in and repelling those you don’t want, then you’re doing the right things. If, however, you are attracting those you don’t want and repelling those you are interested in, it’s time to make some changes and see if you can get different results.

So take some time this week to explore and investigate your magnetic field. First, do your own evaluation and see what you would like to change and what you want to keep the same. Then try speaking to a trusted friend and sharing this concept. See if they notice something about your field that you didn’t see or know. (Make sure it’s a good friend and ask them to be mindful about what they say; this is not a venting session about what you’re doing wrong, but rather a safe space for you to get some feedback.) Finally, take time to decide if you want to make any changes to your magnetic field and how you will go about getting the results you desire. May your soul mate be near and easily drawn to you!

Originally published on Aish.com.

 

Aleeza Ben Shalom – Dating Foreigners

Q: I am not from the United States. I speak English well but it is not my first language. I am finding this to be a bigger problem than I expected. First, not everyone understands my accent perfectly, which makes first-time phone calls/dates much more difficult. But that isn’t the only issue. Even though some of my dates find my accent – and my background – to be new, exciting, intriguing, they don’t realize that it isn’t just a cute way of talking, but an entirely different approach to life. I find that in other countries there is a totally different “normal” for family expectations, financial expectations, even emotional expectations. I am having trouble bridging this gap with the people I date. Am I a lost cause? Do people need to be from similar cultural backgrounds to connect with each other?

A Foreigner

Dear Foreigner,

Don’t despair just yet. You’re not a lost cause. While it is true that couples from similar backgrounds may have it easier at times, there are plenty of couples who are from different countries and end up happily married. All relationships take time to develop.

You specifically mentioned that dating over the phone can be challenging. I would agree with you that it’s not ideal for you to start dating over the phone. If you meet someone at an event or online, it’s best that you find a way to get an in-person date and skip the get-to-know-each-other phone calls. You’re in a similar position to someone who stutters. For anyone who has challenges or differences with speech, it’s important the first time you get to know someone it is in-person. Perhaps once you get to know your date you could then transition to having a phone date once in a while. For the beginning, though, it may be best to set up your date via email or text if you’re finding it challenging to be on the phone.

Understanding a person’s accent is one challenge; another challenge will be understanding what someone means or getting them to understand what you’re trying to say. Even people from the same country who speak the same language have to learn how to communicate clearly with each other.

Communication issues, while common in relationships, are more common with people from different countries. It’s sometimes hard, as you know, for the non-native speaker to get across what they mean. You may also have trouble understanding phrases, slang or colloquialisms. While these issues can be frustrating at first, in time they become easier, especially as you two begin to understand each other at a deeper level.

As you said, some people may think you being “exotic” or different isn’t a big deal, while others find it exciting. From your accent to cultural differences, yes, these things can be a challenge. There will be many differences that come up over time, and you and your date will need to carefully navigate how you deal with those differences. Family integration, financial preferences, emotional connections – these are things you’ll need to pay extra attention to.

The best way to bridge the gap is not to assume anything. Don’t assume you know how your partner will react or what your partner’s preferences are. The more different you are, the less you will understand about how the other person thinks or what they prefer. Of course, in time you’ll get to understand their way of thinking and know their preferences, so don’t worry; the relationship isn’t a lost cause. But at the beginning you’ll have to do more work to build the relationship and really understand your partner.

However, if what you’re really asking is: “How can I be understood by dates who seem to come in with assumptions about me?” then the answer is different. You may need to be choosier about who you date, and try to focus on finding people who share more ideas and expectations with you. Also, you should trust your instincts; if you feel someone is a true mismatch, don’t pursue the relationship.

May you have an easier time with dating and may you and your date be willing to put in the time to get to know each other at a deeper level.

Originally published on Aish.com.

Aleeza Ben Shalom – 7 Ways To Relax On A Date

Tips for coming across relaxed and approachable so your date can get to know the real you.

Are you coming across as too intense on dates? Is your first impression scaring people off? Here are some tips for coming across as more relaxed and approachable so your date can get to know the real you.

1. Smile more often.

Try not to have your game face on. Yes, you’re dating for marriage and not casually, but it’s still important not to come across like a police officer interrogating a potential suspect. Relax, smile, and enjoy the conversation. Don’t feel that you need to know everything right away – let the conversation flow naturally and see where it goes without trying to force it to lead somewhere.

2. Laugh.

Everyone likes to laugh. Remember to have fun, tell a joke, laugh when the waiter gets your order wrong for the third time. Laughter decreases tension and tends to make people more comfortable, so make sure to laugh at your date’s jokes – or make some of your own.

3. Tell a story.

Maybe something you’re discussing will remind you about an interesting event that happened to you or someone that you know. This gives your date a chance to see the real you and get a glimpse into your life.

4. Don’t debate, find common ground

Maybe he likes the same author that you do. Maybe she’s also the middle child. Maybe you enjoy the same type of music. Maybe you both like to cook and try out new recipes. Whatever common interests or similarities you can find, discuss them further and start to develop a bond with your date. Creating a connection over your shared interest in politics is good. However, if your politics are different don’t entertain that subject to keep your intense side at bay.

5. Ask open ended questions.

If the answer to every question is “yes” or “no,” the conversation never gets started. Ask your date to tell you about what they’re studying and why, or what they enjoyed about their trip last summer, or why they chose their particular career. Anything that makes them think and consider their response creates an opening for further conversation and connection.

6. Remember what works.

Try remembering a time when you were with a friend and felt very comfortable speaking with them. Bring that memory into your present moment so you can relax. It’s not always easy to feel relaxed on a date. This is a complete stranger that you’re considering as a future life partner – not a very relaxing setting! However, it’s important to push those thoughts out of your mind and focus on learning more about the person in front of you. Keep it light and casual for the first date – like you are just hanging out with an old friend.

7. End it well.

People remember the beginnings and ends of things more than the middles. Don’t worry if there were a few times in the middle of the date when the conversation stalled or you asked a question that was too personal. Focus on ending the date on a positive note. That is what will stay with your date after the end of the evening.

Dates can be stressful. Start by keeping things light; you’ll not only show off a more approachable side of your personality – you’ll enjoy the dates more yourself.

May you find the right one soon and stay calm and relaxed throughout the process.

Originally published on aish.com

Aleeza Ben Shalom – 50 Things To Know About Being A Matchmaker

If you think matchmaking is antiquated, it may be time to reboot your relationship barometer. While many people think of Fiddler on the Roof when they think of matchmaking, the reality is quite different. A simple Google search reveals a plethora of websites dedicated to finding a match, getting certified to make matches, and information on the history of matchmaking.

Setting up friends with other friends is a time tested way to create and build relationships. You don’t have to be a professional to be a matchmaker. You need flexibility, creativity, passion, and insight into other people. This is an awesome job (or hobby) that allows for flexible hours, lasting satisfaction, and the chance to use your people skills in a challenging and novel way.

In celebration of the 50th anniversary of Fiddler on the Roof , here are my top 50 things to know about being a matchmaker.

  1. Being single is hard enough, so be nice to people. Seems obvious, but it isn’t.
  2. People are naturally different, match couples based on similarities. Yes opposites attract, but not recommended. Much better to match based on the concept like attracts like.
  3. Look for what someone tells you they want, not for what you think they need.
  4. Don’t advise ending a relationship too soon. When in doubt suggest they continue going out.
  5. Don’t say, “I know the perfect person for you.” You don’t know it’s perfect and you lose credibility if the match goes sour.
  6. Do say, “I have someone in mind for you, would you like to hear about him/her?”
  7. Get curious about the person you want to set up. Ask him/her open ended questions to learn about who he/she is before trying to set someone up.
  8. Listen, listen, listen. (Close your mouth. Open your ears.)
  9. Constructive criticism is still criticism, so be sensitive.
  10. Don’t talk with others about the person you are setting up. That’s private information.
  11. Don’t set up dating profiles, set up people. Try to meet someone in person before you set them up (in person is best, but skype will do).
  12. “No, I don’t want to be set up!” This means don’t set them up. Find someone else for your matchmaking experiment.
  13. Think before you act. That really goes for everything. Just sayin’.
  14. Your tone of voice matters. Speak nicely (especially when someone declines your awesome date idea).
  15. When your first (and second, and third…) couple gets married, celebrate your success. L’chaim!
  16. Lead by example. Single or married, make sure you are a shining example and in a healthy relationship, or healthfully single.
  17. You will fail more often than you succeed. Don’t let it get you down.
  18. Keep trying! But don’t quit your day job just yet to be a professional matchmaker.
  19. Sometimes people will get upset with you for the suggestions you make. Expect this and you won’t be disappointed.
  20. Don’t be a know-it-all (even if you do, in fact, know it all).
  21. Be humble.
  22. Work with someone who is relationship or marriage-minded rather than working with someone who is looking for a date.
  23. Separated means married. Set up singles with other singles. Someone who is separated will likely cause someone heartache as they  aren’t truly available. (Hot topic, I know, comment away.)
  24. Respect boundaries. Some people want more guidance and support, others less. Help according to their need, not yours. And don’t be afraid to ask if you don’t know what they want.
  25. As Nike says, Just do it! Set up!
  26. People have tastes, preferences, and ideas that you will find weird. No judgment.
  27. Confidentiality. (shhhh)
  28. Setting up members of your family will be the hardest cases you work with. That means you need to respect them and their needs, even if you are still angry about the time he cut your ponytail off in your sleep. Be respectful or get out of the game.
  29. Grow a thick skin and be okay with rejection. Your ideas will be rejected. It makes the ones that work even sweeter!
  30. Keep your mind focused on the popular phrase “there is a lid for every pot.” Even if you don’t believe it.
  31. Network – you never know who you will meet.
  32. Don’t underestimate anyone. I just heard about a delivery man who made a match. Who would have guessed!
  33. Remember the world is really small and soul mates are closer than you imagine.
  34. Keep a running list of singles, not just in your mind, but on paper or your smartphone or favorite electronic device.
  35. Help alleviate the burden of being single by being thoughtful. Remember small things like birthdays which can be challenging for someone who is marriage-minded. By relieving their burden you will enable them to be happier the next time you set them up.
  36. Read articles, books and blogs on relationships. Become a relationship expert.
  37. Do your homework. Investigate your ideas before presenting to others.
  38. Have patience with yourself and others.
  39. Be persistent, not annoying. If you think you have a great idea, ask once. If you get turned down, ask a month later. If you get a second no, you can try a third time after another six months passes. If the person still isn’t open perhaps it isn’t a great idea.
  40. Learn the art of persuasion. Use it only for the good to help people see the positive traits that you see.
  41. Speak truthfully when empathizing. Don’t say I know how you feel, when you’ve never gone through what they have. Rather say, “I hear you.”
  42. Change your thinking. Every so often make matches in your mind that are ridiculous. This is just an exercise to stretch your imagination and help you get out of your regular way of thinking. Sometimes the best matches don’t seem plausible at first.
  43. Think before you speak. Some words can hurt more than you realize.
  44. The best ideas come at inconvenient times. Keep a pen and paper by your bedside so you remember that great idea in the wee hours of the morning.
  45. Ask friends if they have any match ideas that they haven’t yet pursued. If you concur, get involved and help set up their suggestion. (with their permission of course).
  46. Follow up, follow up, follow up. Not all people will call you back. Make the effort, call again. Don’t assume they aren’t interested. No call back is not a rejection, it’s simply no call back. People do have a life other than dating.
  47. Good looking is subjective. What you think is pretty or handsome someone else may not be attracted to. And vice versa.
  48. A majority of people are looking for someone who has a “good sense of humor.” What they really mean is they are looking for someone with “their” sense of humor.
  49. Matchmaking is hard work. It doesn’t end with you making a suggestion. That’s just the beginning. Guidance through the process is invaluable.
  50. Add yours to the list in the comment section below. We all want to hear it!                                                                                                              Originally published on aish.com.

Aleeza Ben Shalom – A Harvard MBA Dating Offer

Ren, a Harvard MBA, put up an ad, “$10,000 to find a girlfriend.”

Hi Ren,

I’m a dating coach and matchmaker for singles. I tell you this first to tell you that I don’t specifically have a match for you. Sorry!

Why am I contacting you? First, I want to say, NICE move! You reversed the matchmaking process on the matchmakers. You have paid no one, and have everyone working for you. Smart move in love and business! Secondly, you made a great dating profile. It could be improved with 2 things. I hope you don’t mind that I’m making unsolicited suggestions. If not for you, perhaps others can benefit from your story.

I hear that you sincerely want to meet someone and since I can’t make an introduction, I at least want to help as you seem sincere about finding her. First thing, it would be nice if there was a video of you as well as pictures. Pictures are nice, but an intriguing video would capture even more attention, probably go viral and most importantly will give people a better idea of who you are. Which leads me to the second point, it would be best for you to list more about yourself that is unique, different and really makes you who you are. And we need a ton of interesting details about what you’re looking for. All those little quirky things that your prefer, we need to know about. I want to know about those small details that probably mean nothing, but could end up helping someone to identify her. The part about you liking people who are “intellectually curious” and “like learning about the rules to a new board game,” that was a great point. I’d love to see a dozen more points like that. Not that one person needs to have all those things, but rather that someone with a few of those things would be a good person to suggest to you. Anyone who is helping you look for a girlfriend needs more details in order to do a good job at matching you up.

I’m guessing your new full time job is going to be sorting through all the lousy suggestions you get from the publicity of your story. I hope you are good at filtering suggestions! Being decisive is a great challenge and especially if you aren’t really sure what you want. You said, “Most people don’t know what they want (even if they think they do), and I’m no exception.” If you don’t know what you want, how can anyone help you find it? You’ve got to know. Just imagine you are starting a new business and looking for a partner, how would you go about finding one? I believe you’d know what you want before you would start to look for a business partner. In the business of love I need you to know what you want too.

I think with more serious consideration of what you want, you can articulate better to the world your desires and I imagine within 60 days you’ll find her. Not a guarantee, but with the media attention you attracted, I think you can find her.

I hope you meet a woman who has the qualities you value. I can tell you are a creative individual with a passion for life and an innovative spirit.

I wish I had someone wonderful to introduce you to. However, I see your dating site is down now. So what I want to know is have you found the one? I sure hope so, but if not, don’t give up.

All the best,
Aleeza

 

This article was originally published on aish.com.

Aleeza Ben Shalom – Dating Decisions: Being Proactive in Dating

Choosing a spouse is a real challenge. Even if you’re generally good at making decisions, picking one person with whom you will spend your life may trip you up. Here are a few ideas on how to gain clarity and choose the one.

Too many choices

Are you a kid in a candy store when it comes to dating? Are there too many options for you to make any one person yours? Do you date endlessly, all the while wondering why you can’t find anyone?

If the whole world is at your feet and you just can’t figure out which one to choose, try narrowing your options. First, date one person at a time. This will keep you from comparing your dates to one another to see which one is best. Although one person may be more fun, intelligent, or witty than another, it is still possible that neither will be a fit for you. It’s better to compare yourself to your date, rather than comparing your Sunday morning date, to your Sunday afternoon date, to your Sunday evening date.

If you like what you see and feel, keep dating; if there is a deal breaker, move on. When in doubt, keep going out – until you see or feel something that absolutely convinces you this person is not for you. Was he rude to the waiter? Does she dismiss your opinion? Loving kindness does not extend to staying with people who make you uncomfortable. Keep dating until you have a clear answer either way. If the answer is no, say goodbye.

What if you are too distracted by other dating possibilities (like someone from your past or someone you’ve always wanted to date) while you’re in the middle of dating someone? Look within and see if this is a character flaw (are you a perfectionist or never satisfied with what you have?). If there is genuine interest in someone else, you may want to revisit that relationship. Perhaps you should be dating this other person. An honest self-evaluation will help you choose the right person to date.

Another question to consider: do you have a wandering eye, or the feeling that the grass is always greener somewhere else? Although the grass is greener from your vantage point, I’m confident that when you find a new pasture you’ll still be looking for a greener one. Work hard and train yourself to see your own pasture. And if the grass isn’t so green where you stand, tend to your own garden, and watch it grow. Focusing on the idea that there are better fish in the sea won’t get you the results you desire. If you desire a relationship, you may need to hit the reset button and create a new normal. Your new normal can be: I see the virtues in the person I am dating, I’m satisfied in my relationship, and I value building a closer bond with the person I have.

What is the difference between sincere interest in someone else and the general feeling of the grass being greener? Wanting to revisit a past relationship is quite different than feeling like there will always be something better out there. If the latter is true, that hints at a character flaw that can be rectified. It is not easy to be married to (or be the child of or be employed by) one who does not value what they have.

Be proactive

You need to choose someone. It may be picking someone out of a crowded room at whom to smile, or telling someone you are already dating how wonderful you think they are. Making a choice is vital. Your other option is to be indecisive and passively wait for someone else to choose you. However, by not making a decision and not vocalizing your feelings, you show the other person that you don’t care so much either way. Don’t wait for someone else to choose you, or you may miss a great opportunity that’s right in front of you.

By choosing someone on whom to focus your time, effort and attention, you can make yourself the chosen one for their affection. Showing interest to someone across the room may be all it takes for them to cross that room and strike up a conversation with you. Yes, putting your thoughts and feelings into actions puts you in a vulnerable position. It isn’t easy to be so real and let someone know you are interested without knowing how they feel first. It is possible you may be rejected and it may hurt. However, persistence pays. And persistence is a trait you’ll need in marriage. So if you are rejected, have glass of wine, wait for the sting to wear off, and try again.

Reciprocate or move on

Okay, so someone chose you. What I want to know is: do you want them as much as they want you? Or even if you don’t want them as much, do you want them at all?

Sometimes being chosen is like the children’s game “Duck, duck, goose.” Someone taps you on the head and calls goose; do you run after them or just sit there wondering what you should do? This can be quite a challenging position to be in. Someone likes you, you kind of like them… kind of. Is it enough? Are you ready to be exclusive or get engaged? Can you really say no to the rest of the people out there and YES to this one?

At a certain point in your relationship, if someone chooses you and you don’t choose them back, they may burn out. They won’t believe in you or in the relationship anymore. And it’s not because they aren’t into you. It’s because you are demonstrating that you aren’t into them. Don’t just let things fizzle. Take ownership of your feelings and make a decision. Get clear: either choose them or end the relationship.

When dating my husband, we asked each other what we liked and valued about the other. I decided to seize the moment and started rattling off a spontaneous list of the things I valued about him. Somewhere around the 20th thing, he said I could stop, but I couldn’t – I kept going on. By the end he was in almost in tears. He knew that if I saw all that in him he would be a fool to miss marrying me. Of course after I opened up, he followed suit, and I heard his list too. Eleven years later, I can say I’m glad I choose him and that he choose me.

So go ahead: choose someone, don’t wait to be chosen. And don’t forget to share the good news!

Originally published on aish.com.