Aleeza Ben Shalom – Being A Dating Magnet

Many of us go searching the world for our soul mate. We search at every event, in many cities and countries and online. Perhaps we should invert the question and instead of asking, “Where is my bashert (soul mate)?” let’s ask, “How can I get my bashert to come to me?” I suggest you spend 50% of your time and effort looking for your bashert and the other 50% of the time continuing to bring out your best self in order to draw your soul mate closer to you.

How do you get a great relationship to come to you?

The short answer is: Be magnetic. Here’s the long answer.

What is a magnet and what does it have to do with dating? According to Wikipedia, “A magnet is a material or object that produces a magnetic field. This magnetic field is invisible but is responsible for the most notable property of a magnet: a force that pulls on other ferromagnetic materials, such as iron, and attracts or repels other magnets.”

If we apply this definition to dating it would read: “A relationship magnet is a person who produces a magnetic field. This magnetic field is invisible but is responsible for a force that attracts or repels other relationship-minded singles.”

There are several important points worth exploring here:

A relationship magnet is a person who produces a magnetic field. You have the ability to produce a tangible field of energy around you. You impact the world around you just by having an impact on what is within your immediate reach, namely — YOU!

Think about what is on your list of desirable traits in a mate. Chances are the list includes some of the following: warmth, kindness, consideration, thoughtfulness, a mensch, someone who acts in loving ways, is verbally articulate and lets me know how they are feeling, someone open, someone who laughs easily and often.

Now visualize the person you desire to meet. Have that picture in your mind? Imagine meeting this person. Now get curious: what kind of traits would that person be looking for in you? Do you possess those traits? Is your magnetic field projecting the right energy to attract the mate you desire? Take some time to evaluate and see if who you are is who you need to be in order to pull your mate closer.

This magnetic field is invisible but is responsible for a force that attracts or repels other relationship-minded singles. This invisible force that we create can either attract or repel others. Have you ever been on a date and not been so interested? You put something out there that signals that you are not interested, in the hope they will pick up on those signals and lose interest as well. Or how about the reverse? Ever had a great date where both of you had a strong connection? Often my clients try to explain when things just “click” but can’t exactly put their finger on what worked.

I would say it’s the field that attracts one to the other — what’s within someone as well as what’s on the outside that draws one person to another. The “click” is a magnetic moment. During that moment there is an electrical current running between two people. If one side suddenly becomes uninterested, the current breaks and the magnetism is lost. If you’ve ever felt that one moment you are connected and the next moment you don’t know what happened, what’s happening is that the other side lost interest (ie changed their magnetic field) and there is no longer a positive charge between you two.

Try to make a fair evaluation. Have you been attracting or repelling those you date? Has it been intentional or unintentional? Try to be more conscious of your magnetic field. If you like the results you are getting, i.e. attracting those you’re interested in and repelling those you don’t want, then you’re doing the right things. If, however, you are attracting those you don’t want and repelling those you are interested in, it’s time to make some changes and see if you can get different results.

So take some time this week to explore and investigate your magnetic field. First, do your own evaluation and see what you would like to change and what you want to keep the same. Then try speaking to a trusted friend and sharing this concept. See if they notice something about your field that you didn’t see or know. (Make sure it’s a good friend and ask them to be mindful about what they say; this is not a venting session about what you’re doing wrong, but rather a safe space for you to get some feedback.) Finally, take time to decide if you want to make any changes to your magnetic field and how you will go about getting the results you desire. May your soul mate be near and easily drawn to you!

Originally published on


From The Editor – The Beginning And End Of Thoughts

Who doesn’t struggle with thoughts? It’s estimated that we have more than 60,000 thoughts a day. Is there a strategy and philosophy about the thinking process to adopt?

Tanach and Kabbalah address this issue. Kabbalistically, we are told that the first few seconds of “negative” thoughts implanted in our brain are not our own, but sent from our negative chamber in heavens. It’s our responsibility to disregard these thoughts. As parsha Shoftim so poetically says, Shoftim veshotrim titen-lecha bechol-she’areycha. The drash is that we must place safeguards to prevent evil from penetrating us. First, we must be shoftim, and judge the thought. If it is negative we must be shotrim and destroy it, by disregarding it.

There is also a creative thinking process. The Torah is the most creative document to date. Einstein mimicked this idea when he said, “Logic will take you from A to B, but imagination will take you anywhere.” The first verse of the Torah begins, “Breishis bara – In the beginning G-d created.” But based on drash it means, In the beginning comes brius, creativity. This is a mandate for this world, to engage in creative thought.

Addressing active thinking, we know the verse in Mishlei (19:21) says, “There are many thoughts in the heart of man, but the counsel of G-d prevails.” I have heard two interpretations of this verse. The common one is that man has many thoughts, but only the one that G-d wants to materialize will take effect. Another beautiful interpretation is to say that the many thoughts of man are “based on the counsel of G-d,” meaning all our thoughts come from G-d – specifically on the positive and creative side. If one goes with the first interpretation, then we are active, thinking individuals who are blessed to ultimately be guided by the Almighty in the right direction. According to the second path, we must celebrate the fact that G-d is leading our thought process, meaning we are being showered with thoughts directly from above; what a privilege.

Perhaps a philosophy to deal with thoughts is to try to destroy the bad one’s after a few seconds and to embrace the creative one’s either as men of ideas or as recipients of G-d’s thinking process.


Rabbi Baruch Bodenheim – Associate Rosh Yeshiva – PTI – Passaic Torah Institute – Parsha Re’eh – Beginning Near The End

Last summer, my wife and I went to Lake Placid, NY and toured the Olympic bobsled track training center. We learned a very interesting detail: the competition in this sport is so close that the race is won by a mere 1/1000th of a second! A crucial part of the race is the loading – how quickly the bobsledders run and load themselves onto the bobsled. If they are a second too slow, the race may already be lost. The opening move is pivotal; speed means either victory or certain defeat.

Parshas Re’eh begins with the words, See, I have placed in front of you today the various blessings and the curses.” Why the emphasis on the word today? The Chidushei Harim explains “today” is there to teach us that each day is a new beginning. Even if yesterday did not go as planned, today is still a new day with its own potential for mitzvos and blessings.

Ever wonder why Hashem made day and night and the need to sleep? It’s all part of the Divine Plan. We wake up in the morning to a fresh new start. Each day, Hashem renews our ability to make proper and correct decisions. We see this in the first of the morning blessings — hanosen lasechvi binah — Hashem gives man a new perspective every day. The same is true for each new week and each new month.

This Shabbos, Parshas Re’eh occurs on Rosh Chodesh Elul. It’s time for a fresh start in this very last month of the year. Earlier, in Parshas Eikev, it says Hashem is watching over from “Reishis hashana ad acharis shana” – from the beginning of the year until the end of the year, Why does the first mention of the word shana have the letter “heh” in front of it and the second mention doesn’t? The “heh” at the beginning of a word refers to a specific item or event. – the year.

The Satmar Rebbe, Rabbi Yoel Teitelbaum, gives a most insightful explanation. Our sages tell us Reishis Hashana – the beginning of the year, is referring to Rosh Hashana. At the start of a new year, it is common for people to say this year is going to be “the year.” Last year was not so great. I didn’t meet my goals or accomplish all that I planned or wished for, but this year I’m going to make it happen. This year is going to be “the year!” That why Reishis Hashana — the beginning of the year — is spelled with a “heh.” However, at the end of the year, it often happens for people to realize they did not make it “the year they wanted it to be.” It was just…another year. That is why it says acharis shana – at year end, without the “heh”; it was not “the year,” but just another year.

The Sefard version of Kedusha in Shabbos Musaf, says “Hein goalti eschem acharis k’reishis“– the redemption will come when the end of the year is like the beginning of the year. Indeed, this is the formula to achieve redemption – when we carry through to the end of the year the development of the plans we began at the beginning of the year, making the current year into “the year.”

We are now at the beginning of the month of Elul, the last month of the year. By giving us a new perspective each day, Hashem is telling us, – “You can start again today!” Even if we have not yet met our goals and expectations, we can still start again now, today. Unlike the bobsled race, a quick start is not critical. Today is still a fresh opportunity. We can look back and review the plans we set for ourselves last Rosh Hashana, see what has been completed and do our best to accomplish more or even all of our goals. We still have a chance to make “the end like the beginning” and with this opportunity, we can make it “the year.”

And how do we do that? What is a key activity that will enable us to link our noble beginning to our humble “now? It’s easy:” Torah study. We start the day reciting Modeh Ani and conclude with the words “Torah tziva lanu Moshe” — Moshe taught the Jewish nation Torah. If we haven’t yet made a sufficient effort, Elul is a special time to reconnect to Hashem’s Torah. Let us begin this opportune month of Elul with a great start and make the last month of the year even more successful than our first. In this way, may we merit that this year really be “the year,” And welcome Moshiach as well!