Aleeza Ben Shalom – Dating Extroverts

Extroverts are generally friendly, fun, outgoing, naturally comfortable with people, upbeat, outspoken, and easier to get to know because they’re open and comfortable sharing what’s on their mind. They’re energetic, emotionally vocal, enthusiastic and known to be an open book.

If you’re an introvert, you may be thinking: I’m nothing like this. How can I relate to this type of personality?

Introverts are usually more guarded, quiet, harder to read, and a bit mysterious. They tend to be known as good listeners. They’re aware of their feelings, usually analytical, and emotionally attuned. They are good at observing, comfortable by themselves, and have meaningful connections with a few close friends. They are fine with silence; for an introvert, silence is joy. They are independent, self-sufficient, committed to their goals, super focused, and happy to be alone.

If this is you, it may be hard to date an extrovert, but it is good to find a balance and move a bit out of your comfort zone.

Extroverts do face some challenges. Since they love to talk, they may be perceived as not good listeners. They have a hard time being alone; for them, silence is pain. Extroverts may also come across as overly talkative and attention seeking. Some may even view them as untrustworthy because they talk a lot. And their energy may be too much for some people.

Here are a few tips for dating as an extrovert, or relating to an extrovert that you are dating:

Be Aware of Your Differences

When dating an extrovert, they can come across as friendly and social, but it can be overwhelming for an introvert to date someone on the complete opposite side of the spectrum as them. Extroverts enjoy shmoozing and socializing, they prefer to meet in person, face to face. Extroverts get frustrated when they don’t have the opportunity to connect and shine at events or in person. Online dating may really frustrate extroverts who want to get a feel for someone in person – they prefer more talk time, more in person communication.

On the other hand, introverts prefer taking things slowly, online, behind the scenes, versus in your face. An introvert may be overwhelmed by in-person dating, and especially social scenes. They may not like constant text messages back and forth, and may need some space. An introvert is really solid about who they are and don’t make a big scene, but they can be hard to get to know, and this can be frustrating for someone very extroverted. An introvert may prefer less communication and may want to be alone or have quiet time, which may confuse the extrovert. As an introvert, be aware of how your need for quiet and space can come across as disinterest to an extrovert.

Get out of your comfort zone

Maybe you are dating an extrovert and they want more talking or in person time than you’re comfortable with, so you need to decide what you can handle and communicate this to them. Push yourself a little out of your comfort zone. Meet in the middle. If they want to text every night and meet in person three times a week, come up with a compromise that you can handle.

Open Yourself up to the Possibilities

Most people do not neatly fit into one box; there is a wide spectrum. We have all different sides to our personality. It’s okay to date someone with a different type of personality. It may even be good for you. Introverts and extroverts can balance each other out. The main point is to figure out: do I like this person? Do I enjoy spending time with him or her? Do I want to build on this relationship? From there, you can decide if it is worth investing time and energy, even if there are personality differences.

Remember, in marriage, you are not looking for someone to be everything for you. If you are an extrovert, you may have a greater need to socialize than your spouse does, and that can be handled within the context of a happy marriage. If you’re seriously dating and thinking about marrying someone who is more of an extrovert than you, you may need to open yourself up more than you have in the past, or explain why you need some quiet time occasionally. None of these things precludes you from having a happy marriage.

May you have an easy time identifying your needs and explaining them to the right one, very soon.

Originally published on Aish.com.

 

Rivka Conway – Shavuos And Flowers

With Shavous just around the corner, and on everyone’s mind, I bought a plant to brighten up my otherwise dull days (a Hyacinth to be exact) and to emphasize to myself my connection to G-d. After all, Har Sinai was filled with greenery and flowers when the Torah was given. There are even hidden links to the past Yom Tov of Pesach. After all, there were flowers when G-d split the Yam Suf, the Red Sea.

These miracles mirror the miracles of flowers as Hashem continuously sustains them, save for a few drops of water or placing it in the right spot.

Now we are going to look at flowers in more detail in order to appreciate the miracle further. Flowers are no less than a miracle that G-d stamps on nature. They come in different species, seasons and colors to be exact.

In my family, we are all flower lovers. My mother loves buying fresh flowers and my father loves gardening. One of my aunts is a talented florist and knows all the names of all the flowers as did my late grandmother zt”l.

My aunt is a retired florist no less and I owe her a debt of gratitude for letting me in on the ‘secrets of the trade.’ She relayed to me, “Coming up to Shavuos, flowers are on everyone’s minds – well at least they were on mine, when I ran my flower business – The Flower Workshop! Every person and every Shul want flowers at the same time!”

She further noted that, fortunately, as Shavuos falls in early summer, there are a plethora of seasonal flowers available such as delphinium, alchemilla mollis, guelder rose, sweet peas, roses, early hydrangeas, and of course, peonies. She relayed that the flowers should be placed in a deep container with plenty of clean, cool water and set in a position out of direct sunlight. The water should be changed every 48 hours.

With Shavuos upon us, we should reflect on the nature of flowers as they are a symbol of hope and realize that G-d gave us a Torah that mirrors flowers as the Torah represents organic growth as well.

 

Featured Shavuos Guest – Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen – Maggid Shiur – Kinyan Hilchos Shabbos – Talmid Muvhak Of Rabbi Yitzchak Berkovitz Shlita – Rosh Yeshiva Of Aish HaTorah – Topic – Why Stay Up On Shavuos?

One of the most prominent features of Shavuos is the universal Minhag (custom) for men to stay awake all night learning Torah.  The Magen Avraham explains the reason for this Minhag; he brings Chazal who say that the Jewish people went to sleep on the night of Matan Torah (the giving of the Torah) and Hashem had to wake them up in order to receive the Torah.  Accordingly, we stay up all night in order to rectify this failing of our ancestors[1].  The Arizal states that one who stays awake learning Torah on Shavuos night is guaranteed that he will complete the year without experiencing any harm[2].

This explanation seems quite difficult:  How can we understand that such great people would oversleep on the most momentous occasion of their lives[3]?  We know that they were willing to receive the Torah to the extent that they accepted its laws before they were even aware of its content so why would they act in such an unenthusiastic fashion on the night leading to Matan Torah?!  It also needs to be understood how staying awake all night rectifies their error.

The commentaries explain that the Jewish people deliberately went to sleep on that night; they felt that they could reach a higher level of connection to G-d in a state of sleep. This explanation fits with an important principle that whenever great people sinned, they had seemingly valid reasons for choosing their course of action.  Nonetheless, the fact that they ultimately sinned indicates that on a subtle level, there was some kind of yetser hara that pushed them towards their error[4].  What was this underlying motivation that caused them to sleep on this fateful night?

The Jewish people clearly wanted to receive the Torah, as indicated by their pronouncement of ‘Naaseh v’nishma’ (we will do and we will hear).  However, it is possible that on a subtle level they also felt a degree of uneasiness about receiving the Torah.  They realized that accepting the Torah would enforce numerous obligations and responsibility upon them.  It is certainly true that whilst the life of a Torah observant Jew provides the ultimate satisfaction, it nonetheless involves a great amount of effort and self-growth.  Thus, a person may be tempted to ‘escape’ these challenges in various manners.  One of the most common forms of ‘escape’ is sleep – by sleeping a person can, at least temporarily, avoid the challenges of life[5].  Accordingly, people who experience pain or difficulty have a tendency to want to sleep more than their bodies require.  This is in fact a manifestation of their desire to escape their pain.

In this vein, it is possible that, on an extremely subtle level, the Jewish people were apprehensive of the new accountability that was soon to be thrust upon them.  Thus, on a subconscious level they sought to ‘escape’ from the daunting specter of receiving the Torah.  This desire to escape manifested itself in its ultimate form – sleep.

The Minhag to stay awake all night learning Torah is a rectification of this subtle flaw.  Remaining awake whilst we are tired shows that we are willing to face the responsibilities that accompany Torah observance.  We realize that whilst fulfilling the Torah is no easy task, it is ultimately the most rewarding path.  Escaping the challenges does not provide true satisfaction, rather facing them head on is the only way of achieving life fulfillment.  Rav Noach Weinberg zt”l would consistently instill in his students that nothing meaningful in life is achieved without difficulty. Any truly meaningful experience inevitably involves a great amount of hard work and self-sacrifice.  This is particularly the case with regard to the learning and observing of the Torah; the greatest geniuses failed in Torah learning if they were unwilling to exert tremendous effort in understanding the depths of Torah.  Only those who were prepared to push themselves experienced the true pleasure of Torah learning and attained greatness.

There are people who disagree with the Minhag to remain awake all night learning Torah. They point out that a person probably learns for less time by staying awake in the night than if he would keep to his regular schedule of sleeping.  In an arithmetical sense this claim seems correct.  Those that do not sleep in the night commonly sleep for a few hours on Erev Shavuos, then sleep after Shacharis, and often go to sleep a further time after the Yom tov morning meal!  However, my Rebbe, Rav Yitzchak Berkovits Shlita points out the error of this argument;  if the goal of Shavuos was to learn as much Torah as possible then this claim would be correct and it would be more sensible to sleep in the night and learn more in the daytime. However, this is not the purpose of learning on Shavuos.  As we have seen, its purpose is to inculcate in ourselves the readiness to meet head-on the challenges that the Torah presents.  By sacrificing sleep on this one night, we show that we have no desire to ‘escape’, rather we recognize that the only path to true meaning is to face difficulties head on and surpass them.[6]  May we all merit to receive the Torah with complete eagerness and anticipation.

[1] Magen Avraham, Orach Chaim, Simun 494.

[2] Mishna Berurah, Simu 494, sk.1.

[3] This generation is known as the Dor Deah, the ‘Generation of Wisdom’ because of the incredibly high level they reached.

[4] The commentaries adopt this approach with regard to sins such as Adam’s eating of the fruit, the worshipping of the Golden Calf and the sin of the spies.

[5] Chazal say that sleep is one sixtieth of death; death is the ultimate form of escape whereby one can permanently avoid the challenges that he faces.

[6] It is true that a number of Gedolim did not stay up all night on Shavuos but this does not disprove the idea discussed above – they lived their whole life with mesiras nefesh (self-sacrifice) for Torah so that the message that is imbued by staying up all night was something that they lived every day and night.  It is important to note that there are other possible reasons as to why a person may not stay up all night – for example if it would adversely effect their health or cause a major upheaval to their schedule for a number of days.  The point made above that even if staying up all night causes less learning the next day, the benefits of pushing oneself for Torah outweigh the loss.

Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen is a close student of Rabbi Yitzchak Berkovits and a senior member of the Jerusalem Kollel.  Rabbi Gefen’s has spent over 12 years of intensive Torah and Talmudic study at Aish HaTorah and the Jerusalem Kollel, and has a degree in history and politics from the University of Birmingham, UK. Rabbi Gefen has written numerous articles for Hamodia and other publications. His writing inspires people across the spectrum of Jewish observance to live with the vibrancy and beauty of Torah. Rabbi Gefen has recently published his fifth book. His new book delves deeply into the characters of great kings such as David, Shlomo, Chizkiyahu, and Yoshiyahu and those of the most maligned of kings, such as Yeravam, Achav, and Menashe, focusing on the most significant aspects unique to each king. Its readers will develop a whole new understanding of the kings of Israel and the overall institution of the kingship of Israel. Click here to order: https://www.feldheim.com/king-david-and-the-kings-of-israel
Visit Rabbi Gefen’s site at http://rabbiygefen.blogspot.com/

Rabbi Yehoshua Lifshitz – Parsha Behar-Bechukotai with Commentary On Rashi, Ramban, Rabbeinu Bechaye And The Zohar

RashiBehar-Bechukotai

RambanRabbeinuBechayeBehar-Bechukotai

ZoharBehar-Bechukotai

To contact Rabbi Lifshitz or purchase his sefarim – Visit:

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